By God
Me: And what exactly do you mean by "my junk"?
God: Your junk. Your crap. All of the stuff you keep trying to make sense of… Your past. Your regrets, failures, all of the lies you've told. Your mistakes, screw-ups, and bad choices. All of the hurt you've caused. The hearts you've broken. I want it all. I want you to give me everything you keep trying to figure out… everything you keep trying to fix. I want all of it.
(Silence)
Me: I don't know God.
God: You've already given me your life. What's a little junk?!?
Me: But it's not a little junk… I can't just… I've got to…
God: So you don't want the Oreo?!?
Me: Well… I mean, of course I want the Oreo… but my… what about my… I've… I can't just... I've got to fi…
God: No you don't. I'll take care of everything. Give me your junk and I'll give you my Oreo and you can take a bite outta heaven while I work my Godgic (at this point he'll wink at me because he just used my word… which is essentially His word… and it'll be sweet cause He's God and that would just be awesome to have God use your/His word, in conversation, with you.)
Me: My junk. For the Oreo.
God: Your junk for My Oreo.
Me: How Lord?
God: "Think. Do. And."
Me: "Think… Do… And…"
(At this point, I'll think about giving God my junk. Then by the process of thought and the doing-ness of heart and mind, I'll actually give God my junk. And then He'll give me His Oreo and I'll experience wave after wave of the awesomest possible mouth-gasm known to anyone, ever.)
(And I'll continue to experience that for the rest of my days because I finally gave God all my junk.)
Now… what's the moral of the story?!? If you give God your junk, He'll somehow make sure that your parents pick up a tray of 'Double Stuffed Oreo's' from Meijer while they're on sale. He'll then let you eat the vast majority (but not all) of the contents of the package, within about a day and a half - mind you, without getting sick… He'll also somehow make sure that you get to eat the last two in the container. By His will alone, you'll somehow come up with the genius idea of eating the top cookie off of each Oreo, giving yourself two, 2/3's of an Oreo, pieces with which you can squish together, cream filling to cream filling, essentially recreating that perfect cookie the way God intended it to be eaten!
The End.
Special thanks for Nebisco and God for making my night!
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