I just want what they have......the joy and peace that I see.....the love of 20 plus years.....holding hand gray haired and totally in love gently holding hands.

dreams...

I've been plagued with dreams lately...some disturbing, some intriguing, some extremely fast-paced....but they exhaust me and it leaves me feeling like I've been hit by a semi!

Photos I've found...

New, Old, and Now

Does it look like this sometimes???

When days are cloudy and all of a sudden, a brake in the grayish black sky and light dawns, pierces through.

Pain....

My pain may not be your pain....but it's still pain. It still pierces the hardest of hearts. It still hinders us from soaring like majestic birds. It enables us, paralyzing our every move, it may even blind us from something that could be so good, whether that be something new or something that has taken a lot of effort.

CPR? Stubberness, Tempered, seeking...

I don't know how to feel right now. I miss my PAPA a lot. I don't even know if I can enter into a conversation with Him, or if He will let me.

I feel like something new and challenging is on the way....

I am going through a hard time of CPR....it hurts to start my heart back up again. So much has changed, for the better, for the worst.

I have learned something HUGE about myself, and I don't think "finding who you are" will ever stop not until you meet up with your PAPA someday.

I want to cry and scream, but I want people to know that I want to be a women of strength and faith. That I know I have faults and insecurities. But I am a good person, one worth getting to know, and I'm worth a great deal....

I don't know how I feel, so I don't know who to write............Writers block....sigh.

sometimes this world of mine makes no sense.......sometimes its crazy........and yet I find moments like these that give me hope, joy, and peace. Hope that things will work out, joy that though my heart and soul are weak, its is then that I realize I am in the place, and peace that I know that in any situation and at any time I can retreat to a place where water is flowing and there is a tree for shade.

P.S.
I've got so much dirt on me!

Come soon please!

I feel like laying down in the fields or maybe walk slowly letting the tall grass and flowers brush past my finger tips. Sometimes I long for the sun to kiss my face, to feel the cooling sensation of the waters rushing around my feet.......mmmmmm.

Simply Yours

I'm simply yours....I might not show it, and sometimes I might turn my back, but I am yours-help me in my unbelief......remind me so I might remind others....then remind me so I might not forget.

P.S.
I hope you don't mind the tears, buries and scrapes....

Tonight.....sleepless under a clear sky, no stars to marvel at nor symphony to lull me to sleep...just silence and this that keeps me in its grasp

This has me up tonight, waiting to be revealed tonight....
This has me up tonight, beating its endless rhythm tonight....
This has me up tonight, teaching its lessons again tonight.....
This has me up tonight, asking and hoping I will heed tonight....

It rolls around my head tonight, making its home in me tonight.....
It unleashes all my fears tonight, consuming all my dreams tonight...
It takes away my light tonight, casting shadows of doubt tonight.....
It gives and mostly takes tonight, leaving me empty and lonely tonight.....

I wonder if it will allow spring tonight, green growth filled with life tonight....
I wonder where the beauty is tonight, when fireflies that lit up the dark tonight.....
I wonder if forgiveness will enter trembling hearts tonight, or will it fade with the setting sun tonight...
I wonder if pain will sting tonight or if sunshine will vanquish its poison tonight....

Wonder

Just a peace, an overwhelming peace, the kind where I can breathe and I'm not constantly holding my breath

its always up and down and twist and turn......when will it be a straight shot!