Trust......

Trusting is hard.......especially when it comes to the second desire of ones heart.........but I've trusted thus far and He has been faithful.......just so hard to see down this twisty path He's leading me on.......


Love is Patient
Love is kind........

I must be patient because I Love Him....and He is patient with my heart....because He Loves me.....Love is kind......least I am hasty with accusations, He is kind to me.....because He Loves me...


kinda hard to explain.

Stories

Scornfully Ashamed

Scornfully Ashamed

If I could take them back I would, if I could some how turn into the princess they want I would do so in an instant............but I am scornfully ashamed....driven to my knees, face down, shouting and wondering when myself will stop getting in the way.

And when the tears stop I listen intensely for that soft whisper, and I hear sometimes, of promises spoken before my birth, and of oths given to me from the first time I turned my back on Hiim.

Is God real? When I have passion for my faith I tend to hide it, try to show them I can party with the best. When in reality I want to feed the orphans, to hold them close......


And Christ is calling me......and I am so not willing right now, because my past just keeps taughting me .....telling and reminding me I am NOT GOOD ENOUGH! But maybe Jesus is telling me that I must heal and accept that I am a sinner in desprate need of a savior!

That He knows the desires of my heart and that they will come to pass.......when I learn to utterly hide myself in Him.

Changing Seasons

The past few months I had been dwelling in a time of Spring......and now I find myself in a time of Winter. But not in the sense of everything dying and hybernating, but in the sense of being blanketed with snow.Pure white snow, you know the kind that you see when you are a little child and you look outside your window on a crisp winter morning and you see snow gently falling to the ground. When you look out you see a blanket of WHITE coving everything in site......I feel that blanket that white blanket covering me as if to say, YOU ARE PURE. You've asked, begged for forgiveness and I am showing you that your prayers are answered. And just as you look out you see the incredible beauty that the snow produces the crystals on the windows, trees robed in white, and the snowflakes cascading down from Heaven.I am made beautiful once again, but this time I fix my eyes on Christ, the one who died to take away this great sin I once carried, and now, I am free and free to forgive and free to move forward and wait with anticipation. This process HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYONE but ME! Every single person that God has placed in my life I LOVE DEEPLY and has given his or her heart to me in one way or another and I have no words or actions to deeply express my gratitude.Though we all travel and experience different aspects of life, it is a true sign of love, commitment and joy when we join together and travel with each other. For in the end the path we all travel leads to a Home so glorious a mind has a hard time fathoming it.

He whispers

He whispers I love you, and I take for granted the words he speaks, he tells me I want no one else right now, I use his words against him, he tells me that he loves me, and I long to hear them daily....its how God wired women, they need to know, and God whispers with no hesitations, He encourages their lovers to do the same, if its truly what they feel.Love, such a dangerous action. It can be used against you or used to uphold someone to the highest esteem. Love such a dangerous feeling. To love someone but not tell them, or stop telling them, could send you on a collision path to painful disaster. Love is like the changing tied bringing you to the shore resting you on the warmth of the white sands or taking you chaotically out to sea, leaving you to wander and wonder when it will bring you back to rest joyfully on that white sandy shore again."Male and Female He created them" women, a companion to man. Women, made in the image of God from the rib of man, yet completely different from her companion. Women whom yearns to hear that she is beautiful, that she is needed and wanted. Who longs to hear her lover tell her she is loved, despite her fears, for her joys, her accomplishments, for being herself. Dare to love her despite what she might do or say, for love is dangerous but both will grow in Christ and be stronger. Love her; Please don't let a day go by without telling her, verbally telling her that she is loved. Women, know that there isn't a day that goes by that Christ whispers to you "I love you", and that the men in your life will tell you the same, if it's true.

Rhythm

Rhythm

I am learning how to dance.....

in the rain.......

admits the lightning,

not jumping

when thunder arises

and dreaming of the

rainbow of promise.

This man who possess

more beauty my eyes

have ever be is taking my

hand in his.....

brushes off the dirt,

strokes my cheeks,

cresses me gently and

reminds me.

I take one step out.....and

then one step in

He spins me and a thrill, a rush......

for only a moment

But leaves me breathless,

He brings me in close, so close I can smell his sent,

Staring into His eyes,

the love is too profound, something my soul has searched for

We move together and I feel secure,

and I am lost in the rhythm.

He Paints my Dreams

I love the color of dreams......you know, when you have dreams of great adventure or of complete tranquility. I remember having a dream right before the first snow fall...I was on a train, heading to no where in particular. I stood up on the seat and it felt as if I'm flying above homes that are nestled quietly in the country side. I remember looking at the tops of the trees and ruff tops, and being in awe of the snow glistening in the sunlight. And when I looked up into the sky, soft lavenders, pale blues and a kiss of pink cascaded across the sky......vivid colors that left me breathless.....and then the train stop I step out into the silence, standing....listening.......watching each snow flake fall softly to the ground....Those kind of dreams..............I love it when He paints my dreams...........

Stories

I miss the stories......

By candle light bright......

I miss the whispers as He told me....

What my imagination let me see....

When the first time I read about a garden....

So beautiful full of wonder....

Or what about that small boy?

He decided to fight because he had a God of Power

Wait! there is Ruth, the faitful

Teaching me that there are Noble women out there still

or what about Easter the beautiful, who displayed brilliant courage!

Then there was a little carpenter boy name Jusha

He was strong in every sense and led many to the Father

He taught well, and compassion and love His strongest tools....

There scary parts too...why such tortucher and doom...

But He whispered "WAIT! theres more" and intently I listened...

Victory came with promises that would be kept...

I miss the stories....of a life on earth, only a faint shadow pointing towards something great

Something that has no end...something that I long for with everything inside me.

Kiss

That Love has Kissed me Good-Bye.....but this Love has Kissed me Hello......and which love does my heart desire more....

Serve

Serve.....wait......listen.......be blown away......be humbled..... remember......
Washing this mans feet...there wasn't a second guess, no hesitation. I just wanted to do it, because I loved him. Because he means so much to me.

And I wonder what kinds of feeling Christ has for me. Such feelings that sent Him not to a death, but something far worse then that...tortured. A pain in which I have a hard time comprehending. He proceeded to Hell a place that was to be my home, if not for Him. Live Christ Crucified that was the message, Live Christ Crucified that was what was pulling at my heart.

Isaac was given wood to carry on his back, knowing that something was to happen that would be great, yet simple in action. He carried the wood up to the mountain, and when he asked where the sacrificial lamb was, and his Father looked at him, Isaac said nothing. But I'm sure he probably had the same thoughts running through his mind as Jesus had through his...well in some cases.....

But Live Christ Crucified I can't get that out of my head.....
I am like Isaac- with the pack of sticks on my back, I am willing to be a sacrifice....not knowing really what is to come next, but trusting my Father knows what He's doing....for my good.

Them and Us (Men and Women)

It started with me going on my "myspace" to find a certain quote a friend of mine said, when we starting talking again....but I didn't get past a few old conversations of a past well.......irritation that I some how managed to keep locked in my heart.....if that makes sense.....and what I read was this.......

"your Vocabulary is something phenomenal at times......guys are 'jerks' and really dumb when it comes to the opposite sex and COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS to other girls advances which inevitably ends up in disaster and trying to clean up after the mess is just ridicules but necessary."

and he responded with

"Life is crazy, love... well, love is just ridiculously stupid... but like you said, 'necessary'! "


I didn't like cleaning up after the disaster, and mind you what I read was long before the whole relationship ended. But I knew it, I knew that it was going to happen.....and I am a better person for it, not because I am better then he is, because trust me there were faults on my part too, but because it allowed me to see a little bit more how desperate I am in need of Christ, and how much more growing I need to do before I can give of myself in that manor.

Lessons, sometimes they bite......but I'm willing to learn.....you get so much out of it, if you allow yourself to see the reward.

Set Free Today

Three days ago I was set free.....and now I hear a call.................and I've acted.....and prayed....and am fasting......and praying.....and doors will be opened and new challenges to face.....but I face them not alone!