The Oreo
by God
In the spirit of continuing someone's interesting train of thought (he's talking about one of my posts), this evening I found myself imagining God Himself, explaining to me - in conversation, the greatness that is 'the Oreo'.
Side note: I don't think God says hi unless you haven't talked in a while. My thoughts are that if you talk to Him all the time, it's more like continuing the conversation and in doing so, the need for an additional introductional beginning, such as exchanging 'hi's and hello's', is pretty much worthless. That said, I think this is how it'd go:
God: Dude, check it out!
(At that point, both of the following two events happen simultaneously. For the first time ever, I look at a quadrupedally stuffed Oreo and angels sing.)
Me: Wow God! What's that?!?
God: I call it "The Oreo"!
Me: What's an Orrrreeeeeeoooooo?!?
God: This here's a delicious cream filling sandwiched between two perfectly circular chocolate cookies… simply put, it's the only perfect cookie in the universe. Taste wise, the combination of the two equal something similar in greatness to the visual equivalent of witnessing me create your earth or seeing first hand, my Son heal a cripple, or experiencing the mystery and awe of the opposite sex for the first time…
Me: Sorta like the bread at Jimmy John's right?!?
God: Ah no... not so much…
Me: Then it's like the salmon at Carrabba's?!?
God: Ah, well... no… no, not really…
Me: What about a mouthful of chocolate syrup, by itself?!?
God: N… (sigh) First, that's… it's… that's just wrong… and no… Not even close…
Me: What?!? Don't hate what's great! Haha…
(The Lord just gives me a look… kinda like how everybody else does when I make a stupid joke.)
(Then there's a long but perfectly comfortable break in our conversation during which, I continue to stare in awe at His 'Oreo'…)
Me: So… Can I have it?!?
God: That depends…
Me: On?!?
God: On whether or not you're going to appreciate it.
Me: Are you serious Lord?!? Do you know who you're talking to?!?
God: Better than anybody else.
Me: You had to say it didn't you Lord.
God: I did.
Me: Seriously God… Have I ever not appreciated something you gave me?!?
God: Do you really want to go there?
Me: Well… I… I don't know Lord… Do I?!?
(He gives me another look.)
Me: I'll give you a dollar for it. Ten! Ten dollars!
God: I don't want your money.
Me: How bout' my laptop… Or my car… I'll give you my car for the cookie!
God: I don't want your stuff.
Me: Well, what do you want then?!? All I have is my laptop and my car and a little bit of money… What else is there?!? What else can I offer you for that Oreo?!?
God: I want you to give me your junk.
Me: My junk.
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