SIMPLY YOURS

2011-01-02T23:54:00.001-08:00

Its been so long since I've wrote anything on this, so long that I've thought about deleting it....so much has happened with in these past two years, even within this past year. I don't know who I am, and when I look back I see who I was shapping into and though there were aspects that I didn't like, I still long for some of the things I was shapping into. For example, I love making people smile, laughing ....having my mind busy on writing stories, or how I could encourage a friend that day, or....my mind is so much in a daze right now I don't know where to start...

I want to go back but I don't think He will forgive me.....I want to rest in Him again and just not think about anything,....I want my heart back! no.....I want Him to have my heart...and hide it so deep that NO ONE will EVER find it again!

2010-08-19T21:45:00.000-07:00

I just want what they have......the joy and peace that I see.....the love of 20 plus years.....holding hand gray haired and totally in love gently holding hands.

dreams...

2010-07-27T17:21:00.000-07:00

I've been plagued with dreams lately...some disturbing, some intriguing, some extremely fast-paced....but they exhaust me and it leaves me feeling like I've been hit by a semi!

Photos I've found...

2010-07-11T19:43:00.000-07:00

New, Old, and Now

2010-06-30T19:07:00.000-07:00

Does it look like this sometimes???

When days are cloudy and all of a sudden, a brake in the grayish black sky and light dawns, pierces through.

Pain....

My pain may not be your pain....but it's still pain. It still pierces the hardest of hearts. It still hinders us from soaring like majestic birds. It enables us, paralyzing our every move, it may even blind us from something that could be so good, whether that be something new or something that has taken a lot of effort.

CPR? Stubberness, Tempered, seeking...

2010-05-02T18:49:00.000-07:00

I don't know how to feel right now. I miss my PAPA a lot. I don't even know if I can enter into a conversation with Him, or if He will let me.

I feel like something new and challenging is on the way....

I am going through a hard time of CPR....it hurts to start my heart back up again. So much has changed, for the better, for the worst.

I have learned something HUGE about myself, and I don't think "finding who you are" will ever stop not until you meet up with your PAPA someday.

I want to cry and scream, but I want people to know that I want to be a women of strength and faith. That I know I have faults and insecurities. But I am a good person, one worth getting to know, and I'm worth a great deal....

I don't know how I feel, so I don't know who to write............Writers block....sigh.

2010-03-19T20:47:00.000-07:00

sometimes this world of mine makes no sense.......sometimes its crazy........and yet I find moments like these that give me hope, joy, and peace. Hope that things will work out, joy that though my heart and soul are weak, its is then that I realize I am in the place, and peace that I know that in any situation and at any time I can retreat to a place where water is flowing and there is a tree for shade.

P.S.
I've got so much dirt on me!

Come soon please!

2010-02-14T22:03:00.000-08:00

I feel like laying down in the fields or maybe walk slowly letting the tall grass and flowers brush past my finger tips. Sometimes I long for the sun to kiss my face, to feel the cooling sensation of the waters rushing around my feet.......mmmmmm.

Simply Yours

2010-02-08T22:35:00.000-08:00

I'm simply yours....I might not show it, and sometimes I might turn my back, but I am yours-help me in my unbelief......remind me so I might remind others....then remind me so I might not forget.

P.S.
I hope you don't mind the tears, buries and scrapes....

2010-01-17T23:49:00.000-08:00

Tonight.....sleepless under a clear sky, no stars to marvel at nor symphony to lull me to sleep...just silence and this that keeps me in its grasp

2010-01-14T20:30:00.000-08:00

This has me up tonight, waiting to be revealed tonight....
This has me up tonight, beating its endless rhythm tonight....
This has me up tonight, teaching its lessons again tonight.....
This has me up tonight, asking and hoping I will heed tonight....

It rolls around my head tonight, making its home in me tonight.....
It unleashes all my fears tonight, consuming all my dreams tonight...
It takes away my light tonight, casting shadows of doubt tonight.....
It gives and mostly takes tonight, leaving me empty and lonely tonight.....

I wonder if it will allow spring tonight, green growth filled with life tonight....
I wonder where the beauty is tonight, when fireflies that lit up the dark tonight.....
I wonder if forgiveness will enter trembling hearts tonight, or will it fade with the setting sun tonight...
I wonder if pain will sting tonight or if sunshine will vanquish its poison tonight....

Wonder

2010-01-05T16:33:00.000-08:00

Just a peace, an overwhelming peace, the kind where I can breathe and I'm not constantly holding my breath

its always up and down and twist and turn......when will it be a straight shot!

2010-01-04T19:10:00.001-08:00

SPRING

2009-12-30T13:41:00.000-08:00

SPRING!!!

Its always this time of year, after the holidays where everything inside me longs for spring. The gentle breeze on in my hair, the somewhat warmth on my face....and bare feet! Flip Floops.......signs of whats to come......walking in the woods, swimming, boating, warm sand, swimming, camping, cooking outside, exploring .........

SPRING PLEASE HURRY!

Gray

2009-12-16T20:17:00.000-08:00

a day spent with my head in a book that I swore for two years I would never read. Coffee with someone who has turned into a friend more then anything else, and then the pain....

I found myself in the arms of a child, he came with a warm embrace, a little buddy, and as I gave him a hug, I found tears sliding down my face, I tired to hold them, but they came. To be innocent again, there are days that I long for that, and there are days that give me joy to be older that much wiser......do you see my problem?

Pain that I thought I had so cleverly got rid of. Or maybe I buried it and didn't know I had done so. Either way, I find myself convincing myself that it doesn't exist and that its not worth my tears. In return, I lay awake at night questioning God, why so much pain in the world, so much evil....and yet I've known the sadness of Gods heart, I've heard of his longing to redeem man.....so now I'm conflicted, what to do next....

And though it has nothing to do with this previous relationship, I'm deeply troubled and feel horrible for allowing the pain that I thought had been healed to seep into this relationship.

Now back to the gray, the cloudy forecast. Can green come back, be aloud to grow again? Something only I can answer.....

That's the problem with pain, it turns you into someone you don't want to be, or rather, into someone you weren't intended to be........I am not pain, nor am I drama. I long for smooth paths, paths that aren't so winding-turning this way and that....my deepest desire is to bring laughter to people, make them feel joy, and give them peace........I want to be a women of integrity, strength, tenderness, compassion, alluring, desirable, beautiful.

Yes I know more what I want, what I don't want, but that damn pain is so lingering and ALWAYS gets in the way.....

Simple

2009-12-14T16:17:00.000-08:00

Simple

Had many colors

Found in many facets of life

Open and turn around

And maybe you might

Find Simple in his eyes

Simple

Sometimes fragile

Like holding onto sand

Windblown tossed

Across many a horizon

Find Simple in her hand

Simple

Maps out the constellations

Spinning planets in due course

Sending stars flying

Wishing Simple to stay

Simple

Crashes with the tides great thunder

Baring seas hidden treasure

Maybe lapping at a seashore wonder

A lighthouse pleading warning

Helping to guide Simple on its way

Just

2009-12-12T11:35:00.000-08:00

Its something that's longing
to put my finger on it I'm not sure
it comes and goes
like the winds that shift in their course

The questions I ask
echo off the empty walls
answers are only vibrations
not giving into an easy yes
or give me certain nos

So I sit, or maybe stand
weary with a layden heart
the stars don't laugh
no direction to guide
but hope.....

Yes that still remains
hope which is the color grey
if hope has a color
or even if it has a home.

Be Still

2009-12-10T16:35:00.000-08:00

I came across this statement "Be still and know that I am the Lord your God" I haven't heard this in SO LONG maybe about 2 years. I know that right now EVERYTHING is GRAY with God and I, and that I may be turning left and right......but this finds residence in my heart tonight...... That in the midst of the storm, in t...he gray haze, when nothing makes sense, not even God, Be still......and know......and there is that hint of peace, and my heart longs for more.

Tears from the Heart

2009-10-26T18:36:00.000-07:00

I just want to crawl into bed and cry ........and cry, will someone find something in me that's worth everything to them...

I chose this picture because this is what I feel like, that my house is a disaster, that no one will want to enter, no one will want to find out who lives here. That I've messed up one too many times, that there is nothing inside of me that is worth value.
While I lay in bed I ask myself ....is there anything thats worth everything to someone else, am I worth the keep, am I treasure to them. I know that I have so much to offer, but no time is allowed from me to show it......no encouragement, no commitment, just empty words sometimes, empty promises.....
Maybe that's how my house became such a mess, because I began to not care, if everything is so empty, and maybe I began to just allow the junk from others to clutter on the floor and make its way into my home.

Right now, I am on my knees begging that he will find something in me, like he says he does, like the way he looks at me and tells me he is sure. But sometimes its like banging my head up against a rock!

Today I celebrated my 26th birthday. Unlike other birthdays I managed to find myself in the living room rummaging through correspondence letters betwe

2009-09-19T11:26:00.001-07:00

Today I celebrated my 26th birthday. Unlike other birthdays I managed to find myself in the living room rummaging through correspondence letters between Sister Leonora and parents of Bangladeshi children to be adopted. But, better then that, my adopted parents where in the room. This is the first in HISTORY of our family that we were able to do this. To read through papers together and converse amongst each other. It was quiet uncomfortable for me, I wanted to cry to pray and to wonder out loud, but I held all of that in because my parents were visible.

So many mixed emotions tonight, I believe that my parents felt the same way. They knew deep in their hearts that I would eventually take great interest in my adoption and my background.

I read about my first five teeth and about how I was the “runt” of the litter, per say. At one point Sister Leonora was worried that I would catch cold and would not be strong…she wrote “…I worried because when she (Munni) was very small I worried she would catch cold, but she is getting stronger. She has five teeth and her hair is starting to get curly.” In Aug. of 1982 she wrote “Some of the older babies were playing with toys on the floor and Munni was watching them. She gives you such a big big smile, that you can’t resist picking her up. “I took this picture at the baby center she was really laughing. She is a very happy baby and I think she is very bright”. I also read that when we woke up in the morning we were feed Suji, rice, dal chicken, egg and vegetables.

I learned I was involved with a group called Sisters of the Holy Cross Apostolate Abroad, I don’t know who they are or what their organization does, but I will be researching! I learned I pretty much owe a TON to Sister Leonora and a woman named Mindy. Also to Mother Teresa who fought for all 22 of us in Bangladesh, and other orphaned children in Bangladesh.

I learned (I sorta already knew this) that my mother was most likely rapped. I came from Center for Training and Rehabilitation of Destitute Women. Nor do I know what this organization is, but again I will research.

When I finished looking at all the photos, all the cards and letters, I had so many tears stored up, but managed to keep them from flowing, until I walked in my parent’s bathroom to hug my mom. I told her what I said to my dad… “I love you and thank you for adopting me” But then something happened…and I could hold them back any more. I cried in her arms…and when I switched shoulders, for the first time I looked into the mirror and saw me in her arms. But I saw a brown person in a white persons arms…. for the first time I distinguished between her and I. I wondered how she could love a child that was not of her own flesh and blood, how she could look at me and call me beautiful when I did not look at all like her…

Other things have struck me, of how much God was in this from the very beginning. How much Sister Leonora and Mother Treasea and this women named Mindy prayed and prayed for us. Even now it has almost come full circle, as I gaze at a rosary recently given to me by a friend, how much God and possibly Mary with other Saints were watching and keeping all 22 of us. How they must have prayed and conversed with God as well. Amazing. The blessings that must have been prayed upon us every day….and the prophetic words spoken to us and upon us…..how do I know this….because of the letters that were sent to our families….mine was that I would reach people through my smile. In EVERY letter that was written about me there was always reference about my laughter and smile……

I pray that the other blessings and prophecies will be poured out on my life as well, and that some day I might return to a home that is so foreign to me. I know that I might get to reunite with Sister Leonora, that in itself is HUGE and maybe…just maybe I might get answers!

Until then I pray that my heart and soul be content with finding my identity in Christ alone.

Remember

2009-09-01T19:23:00.000-07:00

There's just something about days like today.......days that bring you back in time to sweet memories. Of times of pirates and princesses, cowboys and Indians, of tree climbing and berry picking. Of summer long boating and brake your neck tubing, claming on the river and bonfires at night. Blueberry pancakes on Saturday morning and wave jumping in the afternoon. Trips to the park candy store (25 cents would buy a bag) and ice cream drips on your favorite shirt. Of suntan lotion and sand forts (Aunt Mary: where did all the lawn chairs go?!?!). Fart Quest adventures and hiking the dunes, dinner for 20 or so and the smell of the grills, and watching siblings rock out to "lolly pop" and "great balls of fire" on picnic tables, guitars 'n all (aka: brooms) .................summer days and summer nights......I pray that I can give my children memories that they will remember on days of "blue skies and sunshine"

My Joshua

2009-08-24T21:59:00.000-07:00

............I wonder if I passed up love….if I passed up true love… for a long time now I have trained my heart to be harden to a loves call, I’ve trained my ear to avoid a mans gentle whispers and cunning touches….but I wonder if I will miss true loves call. I wonder if my heart will recognize its beckon plea. Or if, because of this mighty fortress I have devised around this heart of mine, I will reject the love I am waiting for time and time again. How can you be sure of its authentic? How can you know it’s the kind of love that you know just by one touch, or by looking into their eyes and know? Or when you truly know that person for their perfections and flaws….I still yet have to find that….but wonder if this wall I’ve built will crumble or if I will ask my “Joshua” to march around, depending on God to crush what’s standing, to enter in and discover what treasures lies inside… (Joshua 6)

A Classic

2009-06-10T20:12:00.000-07:00

My mind has landed on a bible story that I haven't given much thought to for years. The story of Noah. Now to refresh your memory God came to Noah telling him of his anger and displeasure of the evil of mankind. God told Noah that He was going to send a flood to destroy the world to the time that the waters came 100 years had passed. 100 years of ridicule, 100 years of FAITH; a faith in something that seemed like it would never happen. But it did- God had promised and it happened.
As a human I'm surprised that Noah didn't doubt or give up after looking to the heavens year after year and seeing blue sky's. But what seem like impossible became possible- and they who were wicked and lacked faith perished.
Throughout my life I have only gotten the lesson of the rainbow, the lesson that God promised never to send a flood of that size again. I have found new meaning in the classic story of the flood. That when God promises something, He follows through completely. Which begs the question...if God follows through on promises of His displeasure of mankind, how much more will He follow through on His promises of LIFE. So when I read promises such as "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you...to give you a hope and a future" or from Christ "...and lo I am with you even to the ends of the earth", that the God of Jeremiah and the Father of Christ will follow through completely on His promise to ME.
Its as if Christ is saying... Believe in my purpose have FAITH-depending only on me- and I will give you prosperity, a future-I will give you treasures the BEST I have to offer.

I am and will be your Father and you are and always will be my daughter. And a true Father will give His children everything He can-even to the point of death...

Load

2009-06-08T00:43:00.000-07:00

With everything that is going on....I find myself like this little girl....arms up in the air wondering where her Father is and wondering if He will turn His attentive ears to her cry......

This picture is a great reminder of that though I may be going through crap......the "crap" can't go through me.....because the King of Peace, the Father of my Heart.....the One who created time, who cares for my every need is right there.......smiling at me and reminding me that there is NOTHING on this earth that will satisfy me and make me whole.....only being with Him, allowing Him to fill me inside. Though I may not have full time work, my grandmother is dying and bills are overdue....Christ will take care of me.....He has been for the past three months....why would he stop now....

I'd Rather...

2009-05-03T19:04:00.000-07:00

Choices.... We all make them....But I do whole hardly believe that its what we LEARN in those choices that define who we are....and if the choices we make are based on whether we have God in our lives.... And I have to be honest with you, sometimes we don't make the brightest choices, they can be down right stupid! We end up deeply questioning who we are, who we are becoming. We start to freak out at the choice we made was one of the "stupid" choices...we start to focus on the addictions, sins and failures that plague our lives.

So when the choices I make begin to show me who I am starting to become and I don't like the outcome, I am able to begin to make a conscious decision to turn from my ways and CHOSE Grace that is offered. Though I know that my God is a God of righteousness that he asks of true repentance I know that I am always welcomed back into the arms of my Father.

I rather like the fact that God gave us choice as an option. I like the fact that I make bad choices and mess up...for several reasons......

For one I am able to see that I am a sinner in desperate need of a Savior. Secondly I am able to remain humble and remain in a constant state of knowing that I am a needy person. A daughter who needs the the constant care giving of a Father who gave His all for her. In making bad choices I expect my Father to discipline his children, but within that discipline I become a better person, a wiser daughter.
Lastly I can see the person I am becoming and to be honest with you I rather know who I don't want to become then not knowing what I want to become.

Though this may seem like a backwards thought, I feel that my messy and shameful choices gives me a deep thirst and knowledge that Christ needs to be the center of my life, constantly reminding me that every moment is a battle for my soul. That He is fighting, that there is sin and no way of escaping it until the day of His glorious return. He also reminds me that though I am a sinner, the furthest away from being pure that I can rest in the hope that He has the Victory...He had it all a long, because of the great love He has for His Children.

Choices..... We all have to make them, and if we make wrong choices, be sure to recieve the lessons and consequences, but then move forward in Grace, being grateful for the gift of Godly wisdom- knowing a little bit more of who you do and don't want to become.

OPEN ARMS FOR ASIA!

2009-04-29T08:23:00.000-07:00

Open Arms For Asia

2009-04-17T09:27:00.000-07:00

I'm still waiting.....for something......I know it will happen....but I'm growing restless.....but I'm waiting non-the-less.......I guess that what it feels like to relay....on God.........yes......waiting, asking that He take the restlessness and turn it into peace.......

Please Watch!

2009-04-11T09:51:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZRLRSXd4fzA

"MOST" (Czech for Bridge) .......watch and and think upon what was given for you....

Her

2009-04-08T11:02:00.000-07:00

I long to see her now.....to met her......I wonder if I have her smile, if I'm pretty like her......if my hair is like hers.....

Going to things like this........it still hurts, guess I never grew out of it. It only reminds me that I'm not REALLY part of the family, maybe in words, but not blood wise......I won't ever look like them, won't ever have their personaility, don't have any of their smiles, or looks, or hair.....

I miss her, I've never seen her or met her.....but I bet we would have a connection.

2009-03-23T08:08:00.000-07:00

I once heard him say that he felt like he was getting in the way of me becoming a mssionary.........those words flooded my mind last night, as I lay contemplating on what tomorrow would bring my way. With that mornings message and the week long reminders of Faith rolling round and round......I found it hard to fall asleep......And then this morning while I was driving a friend to work.....I happened to turn to a station that I was hoping to hear some good tunes....which turned out to be a sermon.....on Faith....on the Garden........

The Garden of Gethsemane. Where in his final hours, Christ experienced pain, fear and lose.......He cried out......Abba Father, not my Will but your Will be done......last summer I never dreamed I would be in the position I am in right now....penniless, waiting and expecting.....but here I am....waiting......

Chuck was speaking about what its like to have

Faith....what its like to depend soly on Christ and no mortal man. As humans I believe that we lean on what this world has to offer us way too much......And now, I am left empty handed, in debt, friendships on Frey and totally and utterly depending on God's promise to get me through the day....

Have you ever wondered what its like to be an infant? To be a child who can't change his/her dipper, who can't feed themselves, needs to be burped, rocked to sleep.....I am an infant in my Abba's arms.....I depend on Him entirely....What does Tomorrow hold for me? I don't have a clue......but I am learning how to lay out all my plans I had for myself, lay them at His feet and say....These are my plans Abba, but if they aren’t your Will.....then the plans are open for change.....

P.S.

My Perfect Planner turned out not so perfect!

To be Loved

2009-03-16T16:18:00.000-07:00

To Be Loved

As I was sitting in the park, I closed my eyes and tried to see my surroundings...yes I know what you are thinking....

But I used my other senses.... I could hear the fountain behind me.... the water shooting up in the air and falling with a gentle splash...I heard the leaves dance across the sidewalk and imagined that they were bright orange and fiery red. Could smell the damp ground underneath me, smell the freshly cut grass hinting to it lush green color... I could see all of this as if I were looking onto a canvas as a painter who was painting a giant picture.

These are the moments I live for, that I thirst for! When I can see my creator without opening my eyes.... by sitting in the hush and letting my heart and soul take over.

“I have been driven many times to my knees by the
overwhelming conviction that I had no where else to go.
My own wisdom, and that of all about me, seemed
insufficient for the day."
~Abraham Lincoln

Christ longs for us to live in his arms.... to whisper to us things that are scarred. He longs to wipe the tears and ease the pressures of our mundane lives.... when we seek him in silence, our hearts are softened and our minds are cleared. Joy is restored and reassurance is planted. Grasp at His words or marvel at His glory. Lie at his feet or climb on His lap, listen to His breath and be captivated by who He is and who He wants to you be.

SO........

Sit...listen, fall in love and be loved! Close your eyes and let Him take you away, search your inner being and learn who He wants you to be. Dream big, dare to live! Shine bright and fulfill your call.

Sit, listen, dream, imagine, and Love. Let Him capture you and search you, fill you and cleanse you!

Lost

2009-03-09T09:17:00.000-07:00

I am happy that God is still teaching me....bringing me to my knees in humility and showing me my faults yet at the same time showing His unconditional love, grace and mercy.

I am more lost then ever, at this point in my life....I try to seek the voice of God and God alone.....but seem to find myself lost in a deep menacing forest, with very little light.....but once thing I know in my gut...

That God is good.....and all things work out for those who love Him and take heed to His word and to His Glory....my God is good full of compassion, ready to do things that we can't comprehend, things that will blow us away........

Trust......

2009-02-24T18:10:00.000-08:00

Trusting is hard.......especially when it comes to the second desire of ones heart.........but I've trusted thus far and He has been faithful.......just so hard to see down this twisty path He's leading me on.......

Love is Patient
Love is kind........

I must be patient because I Love Him....and He is patient with my heart....because He Loves me.....Love is kind......least I am hasty with accusations, He is kind to me.....because He Loves me...

kinda hard to explain.

Stories

2009-02-17T21:27:00.000-08:00

Scornfully Ashamed

2009-02-15T21:55:00.000-08:00

Scornfully Ashamed

If I could take them back I would, if I could some how turn into the princess they want I would do so in an instant............but I am scornfully ashamed....driven to my knees, face down, shouting and wondering when myself will stop getting in the way.

And when the tears stop I listen intensely for that soft whisper, and I hear sometimes, of promises spoken before my birth, and of oths given to me from the first time I turned my back on Hiim.

Is God real? When I have passion for my faith I tend to hide it, try to show them I can party with the best. When in reality I want to feed the orphans, to hold them close......

And Christ is calling me......and I am so not willing right now, because my past just keeps taughting me .....telling and reminding me I am NOT GOOD ENOUGH! But maybe Jesus is telling me that I must heal and accept that I am a sinner in desprate need of a savior!

That He knows the desires of my heart and that they will come to pass.......when I learn to utterly hide myself in Him.

Changing Seasons

2009-02-15T21:20:00.000-08:00

The past few months I had been dwelling in a time of Spring......and now I find myself in a time of Winter. But not in the sense of everything dying and hybernating, but in the sense of being blanketed with snow.Pure white snow, you know the kind that you see when you are a little child and you look outside your window on a crisp winter morning and you see snow gently falling to the ground. When you look out you see a blanket of WHITE coving everything in site......I feel that blanket that white blanket covering me as if to say, YOU ARE PURE. You've asked, begged for forgiveness and I am showing you that your prayers are answered. And just as you look out you see the incredible beauty that the snow produces the crystals on the windows, trees robed in white, and the snowflakes cascading down from Heaven.I am made beautiful once again, but this time I fix my eyes on Christ, the one who died to take away this great sin I once carried, and now, I am free and free to forgive and free to move forward and wait with anticipation. This process HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYONE but ME! Every single person that God has placed in my life I LOVE DEEPLY and has given his or her heart to me in one way or another and I have no words or actions to deeply express my gratitude.Though we all travel and experience different aspects of life, it is a true sign of love, commitment and joy when we join together and travel with each other. For in the end the path we all travel leads to a Home so glorious a mind has a hard time fathoming it.

He whispers

2009-02-15T21:13:00.000-08:00

He whispers I love you, and I take for granted the words he speaks, he tells me I want no one else right now, I use his words against him, he tells me that he loves me, and I long to hear them daily....its how God wired women, they need to know, and God whispers with no hesitations, He encourages their lovers to do the same, if its truly what they feel.Love, such a dangerous action. It can be used against you or used to uphold someone to the highest esteem. Love such a dangerous feeling. To love someone but not tell them, or stop telling them, could send you on a collision path to painful disaster. Love is like the changing tied bringing you to the shore resting you on the warmth of the white sands or taking you chaotically out to sea, leaving you to wander and wonder when it will bring you back to rest joyfully on that white sandy shore again."Male and Female He created them" women, a companion to man. Women, made in the image of God from the rib of man, yet completely different from her companion. Women whom yearns to hear that she is beautiful, that she is needed and wanted. Who longs to hear her lover tell her she is loved, despite her fears, for her joys, her accomplishments, for being herself. Dare to love her despite what she might do or say, for love is dangerous but both will grow in Christ and be stronger. Love her; Please don't let a day go by without telling her, verbally telling her that she is loved. Women, know that there isn't a day that goes by that Christ whispers to you "I love you", and that the men in your life will tell you the same, if it's true.

Rhythm

2009-02-15T20:50:00.001-08:00

Rhythm

I am learning how to dance.....

in the rain.......

admits the lightning,

not jumping

when thunder arises

and dreaming of the

rainbow of promise.

This man who possess

more beauty my eyes

have ever be is taking my

hand in his.....

brushes off the dirt,

strokes my cheeks,

cresses me gently and

reminds me.

I take one step out.....and

then one step in

He spins me and a thrill, a rush......

for only a moment

But leaves me breathless,

He brings me in close, so close I can smell his sent,

Staring into His eyes,

the love is too profound, something my soul has searched for

We move together and I feel secure,

and I am lost in the rhythm.

He Paints my Dreams

2009-02-15T20:09:00.000-08:00

I love the color of dreams......you know, when you have dreams of great adventure or of complete tranquility. I remember having a dream right before the first snow fall...I was on a train, heading to no where in particular. I stood up on the seat and it felt as if I'm flying above homes that are nestled quietly in the country side. I remember looking at the tops of the trees and ruff tops, and being in awe of the snow glistening in the sunlight. And when I looked up into the sky, soft lavenders, pale blues and a kiss of pink cascaded across the sky......vivid colors that left me breathless.....and then the train stop I step out into the silence, standing....listening.......watching each snow flake fall softly to the ground....Those kind of dreams..............I love it when He paints my dreams...........

Stories

2009-02-15T19:37:00.000-08:00

I miss the stories......

By candle light bright......

I miss the whispers as He told me....

What my imagination let me see....

When the first time I read about a garden....

So beautiful full of wonder....

Or what about that small boy?

He decided to fight because he had a God of Power

Wait! there is Ruth, the faitful

Teaching me that there are Noble women out there still

or what about Easter the beautiful, who displayed brilliant courage!

Then there was a little carpenter boy name Jusha

He was strong in every sense and led many to the Father

He taught well, and compassion and love His strongest tools....

There scary parts too...why such tortucher and doom...

But He whispered "WAIT! theres more" and intently I listened...

Victory came with promises that would be kept...

I miss the stories....of a life on earth, only a faint shadow pointing towards something great

Something that has no end...something that I long for with everything inside me.

Kiss

2009-02-12T22:59:00.000-08:00

That Love has Kissed me Good-Bye.....but this Love has Kissed me Hello......and which love does my heart desire more....

Serve

2009-02-09T07:38:00.001-08:00

Serve.....wait......listen.......be blown away......be humbled..... remember......
Washing this mans feet...there wasn't a second guess, no hesitation. I just wanted to do it, because I loved him. Because he means so much to me.

And I wonder what kinds of feeling Christ has for me. Such feelings that sent Him not to a death, but something far worse then that...tortured. A pain in which I have a hard time comprehending. He proceeded to Hell a place that was to be my home, if not for Him. Live Christ Crucified that was the message, Live Christ Crucified that was what was pulling at my heart.

Isaac was given wood to carry on his back, knowing that something was to happen that would be great, yet simple in action. He carried the wood up to the mountain, and when he asked where the sacrificial lamb was, and his Father looked at him, Isaac said nothing. But I'm sure he probably had the same thoughts running through his mind as Jesus had through his...well in some cases.....

But Live Christ Crucified I can't get that out of my head.....
I am like Isaac- with the pack of sticks on my back, I am willing to be a sacrifice....not knowing really what is to come next, but trusting my Father knows what He's doing....for my good.

Them and Us (Men and Women)

2009-02-07T16:07:00.000-08:00

It started with me going on my "myspace" to find a certain quote a friend of mine said, when we starting talking again....but I didn't get past a few old conversations of a past well.......irritation that I some how managed to keep locked in my heart.....if that makes sense.....and what I read was this.......

"your Vocabulary is something phenomenal at times......guys are 'jerks' and really dumb when it comes to the opposite sex and COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS to other girls advances which inevitably ends up in disaster and trying to clean up after the mess is just ridicules but necessary."

and he responded with

"Life is crazy, love... well, love is just ridiculously stupid... but like you said, 'necessary'! "

I didn't like cleaning up after the disaster, and mind you what I read was long before the whole relationship ended. But I knew it, I knew that it was going to happen.....and I am a better person for it, not because I am better then he is, because trust me there were faults on my part too, but because it allowed me to see a little bit more how desperate I am in need of Christ, and how much more growing I need to do before I can give of myself in that manor.

Lessons, sometimes they bite......but I'm willing to learn.....you get so much out of it, if you allow yourself to see the reward.

Set Free Today

2009-02-07T15:55:00.000-08:00

Three days ago I was set free.....and now I hear a call.................and I've acted.....and prayed....and am fasting......and praying.....and doors will be opened and new challenges to face.....but I face them not alone!

Angels Obey His Word

2009-01-30T16:46:00.001-08:00

he Angels Obey His Word
Today's Scripture

"Praise the LORD, you His angels, you mighty ones
who do His bidding, who obey His Word" (Psalm 103:20, NIV).

Today's Word from Joel and Victoria

Did you know that when you speak words of faith,
angels are commissioned to move on your behalf?
The Scripture tells us that God gives His angels
charge over us.

That means, when God hears you declaring His Word,
He says to the angels, "Do you hear what my child is
saying? They are speaking faith. Angels, I have an
assignment for you. Go down there and begin to turn
the situation around." And the angels obey His Word!

If we could pull back the curtain on the unseen spiritual realm,
we would see a host of angels and heavenly beings watching
over us.

That´s why it´s so important to guard what we say because
with our words we either open a door for God and His angels
to move on our behalf, or we open a door for the enemy and
the forces of darkness.

Lead Of Love

2009-01-30T16:39:00.000-08:00

Looking back I can see the lead of Love.....

Walls

2009-01-09T19:35:00.000-08:00

Two days ago I surrendered. Not to say I won't go back to fighting....I mean come on can't you see the wall I've built....I sure there will be other times when the war will break out...I'm human

There I go again, talking as if I'm in control of this wall I've built. This heart has become so cold, so small. You know when your hands get so cold from being out side and when you come back inside you place them under warm water to warm them up, at first you feel nothing, then a sting and then finally eventually they become nice and warm- that's what it is like right now, I think I've come out of the numbing sensation into the stinging sensation....

If you ask them they will tell you that my name should be Israel- one who fights with God, but not just your typical brawl, but an all out fist to fist fight with God. They warned me that I would get tired and soon enough the white flag of surrender would rise....sigh....I don't like it when their right sometimes. SO

Now comes the process of kicking down the walls I've so hastily built, forgiving people that haven't said "I'm sorry" and getting the courage to face others who I've embarrassed....if I ever seen them again...

2009-01-09T18:53:00.000-08:00

Come With Me

Come dance with me, He whispered one night, not too long ago...Come dance with me, in the land of the living.

Come dance with me, on the shores of the unforgettable, let your hair down as the wind guides you.

Come dance with me, in the fog of mystery, as you glitter in and out of its embrace. Your steps are light and beauty enhance.

Come dance with me, amongst the stars of Heaven, in the hush of a waking morning.

Come dance with me, He whispered on night not to long ago........

And I will let you steal the show.

I DIDN’T MEAN TO REMEMBER

2008-12-18T10:13:00.000-08:00

I DIDN’T MEAN TO REMEMBER

I didn’t mean to remember…
But they collided- innocents with pain of Age.

I didn’t mean to remember…
all the joy the moments brought me-
Adventure thrilling, meaning seeking, hope holding.
What’s a bleeding heart suppose to do
When the disease it holds is the enemy who keeps it captive.

I didn’t mean to remember…
The sunshine’s rays coursing through the tender touches
Or coffee chocolate swirls and sometimes robbing blue brilliance
Drawing me in deeper until all is engulfed.

I didn’t mean to remember…
The sweet sent of a spring’s rain on my cheeks- my neck
As you breathed in…and out.

I didn’t mean to remember…
The song of melodies endless breath
Of the crescendo of mid-nights echo,
Or the beckoning call of waters plea.

I didn’t mean to remember…
REALLY I DIDN’T

My Hand in Yours

2008-12-12T18:24:00.000-08:00

Your Hand in Mine

Are you ready to let go? Whatever may come…are you ready to let go? Is your head clear of things that suffocated you for so long?You see my fellow traveler; I have been down this broken road many of times. I have seen the hardships and failures, and wondered myself if the road would ever end. I have seen the seasons change, sometimes all too quickly. It's hard to open your eyes at times, to wonder where you're at. Sometimes you run so fast that you miss the hidden beauty the path maker wanted so desperately for you to see. Sometimes the rain pelted so hard, you couldn't see the path a head of you.Have you ever wondered if you are right; if you strayed somewhere between then and now? I have, I have wondered what went wrong. Why it was so easy and then got so tuff. My shoes have become worn and my clothes tattered. My own stubbornness has gotten in the way. Never stopping for a rest, under the many Olive Tree's I've seen along the way.I walk along your side my hand open to your left. But you haven't looked down to find it, sometimes I wonder if you ever will. It is there to tell you that I have walked down this road many times. It yearns to tell you that you are not a lone. I have seen you before my fellow traveler; I have seen the greatness inside of you. Once upon a time you let it shine, giving me someone to look up to, I admired you and still do.

But wonder if you will ever find my hand, letting you know, I have been here too.

Traveler

2008-12-12T18:05:00.000-08:00

A sea of strangers, the many people I have met along the way. But none, none like you. You have held my gaze through this dense fog. At times you have blended in, hiding your face, and then suddenly appear, like a ghost from the past and a dream from the future. My fellow traveler who are you? Your striking similarities are hard to push aside. As I walk faster you begin to blend in again, and so very rarely do you look back and when you do, such sadness in your eyes. However, there are those glimpses of light. Such brilliant light, a smile plays on your lips as if to ask me to dance a long with you, and then you're gone. Most times, my fellow traveler when I see you, confusion paints your face. You walk as if in a trance, not knowing to turn right or left, or to go straight ahead.A sea of black and white, like flowers on a blank canvas, they disappear and come back. But you, you my fellow weary traveler, when you come out from hiding- I see colors, so bright one cannot describe. Faces aghast with just one look, astonished by the striking similarity of you and I.

I have met many of strangers along the way, but none, none like you.

Pages

2008-12-03T08:30:00.000-08:00

I feel a little more @ peace- god doesn’t seem non-existent any more - and much more closer then id imagined. When I wanted to quit- scrap the whole story - he pleaded with me to read more and I do have to admit it has been pretty interesting- b was right- he spent so much time writing the story- he constantly is asking me - read more it gets better I promise!

Chapter by chapter.....comes pain and agony. Sometimes I wonder if I even deserve the Joy He wants me to have. And yet there are many more chapters of Joy, excitement and wonder…..The author suggest that I not concentrate on the pain and agony as a enemy, but as stepping stones….of a “how to not” chapters and though hard to get through these chapters…..I will be stronger because of them.

Someone once told me that their relationship with God was much different then mine. They said that, in everything I do, no matter what happens....I ALWAYS turn back to God....ALWAYS....

I guess its second nature for me....to turn back to the one thing that has been so constant in my life....what words of reassurance...that though there are times, days in which I serve a God that seems to be non-existent to me......or at least a God that seem so far away........He reminds me of how close to me HE REALLY IS!

KEEP READING....IT GETS BETTER I PROMISE!

His Hands

2008-11-27T19:14:00.000-08:00

I worked today...Thanksgiving.....in a way it put myself in a place of re-evaluating my position in the Hospital.

Today I spent the majority of my day delivering bereavement carts to families....to have a family member die on a holiday really crushed my heart. I know what you are thinking, wow you are really emotional....

but there is something about walking up to a room, a person who is lying life-less in a bed, with family members who are standing around, red eyed and tears rolling down their checks......and when they see you they are filled with appreation and words of "You really didn't have to go to the trouble....thank you so much"

and all I could do is think.........my service is NOTHING compared to your situation........!!!

IT WAS MY GREATEST PLEASURE TO SERVE YOU THIS THANKSGIVING.....I truly was grateful to be able to serve Christ in this manner.........please pray for the families who have to deal with death this Holiday....they need your prayers!

The Oreo PART I

2008-11-27T18:53:00.000-08:00

The Oreo

by God

In the spirit of continuing someone's interesting train of thought (he's talking about one of my posts), this evening I found myself imagining God Himself, explaining to me - in conversation, the greatness that is 'the Oreo'.

Side note: I don't think God says hi unless you haven't talked in a while. My thoughts are that if you talk to Him all the time, it's more like continuing the conversation and in doing so, the need for an additional introductional beginning, such as exchanging 'hi's and hello's', is pretty much worthless. That said, I think this is how it'd go:

God: Dude, check it out!

(At that point, both of the following two events happen simultaneously. For the first time ever, I look at a quadrupedally stuffed Oreo and angels sing.)

Me: Wow God! What's that?!?

God: I call it "The Oreo"!

Me: What's an Orrrreeeeeeoooooo?!?

God: This here's a delicious cream filling sandwiched between two perfectly circular chocolate cookies… simply put, it's the only perfect cookie in the universe. Taste wise, the combination of the two equal something similar in greatness to the visual equivalent of witnessing me create your earth or seeing first hand, my Son heal a cripple, or experiencing the mystery and awe of the opposite sex for the first time…

Me: Sorta like the bread at Jimmy John's right?!?

God: Ah no... not so much…

Me: Then it's like the salmon at Carrabba's?!?

God: Ah, well... no… no, not really…

Me: What about a mouthful of chocolate syrup, by itself?!?

God: N… (sigh) First, that's… it's… that's just wrong… and no… Not even close…

Me: What?!? Don't hate what's great! Haha…

(The Lord just gives me a look… kinda like how everybody else does when I make a stupid joke.)

(Then there's a long but perfectly comfortable break in our conversation during which, I continue to stare in awe at His 'Oreo'…)

Me: So… Can I have it?!?

God: That depends…

Me: On?!?

God: On whether or not you're going to appreciate it.

Me: Are you serious Lord?!? Do you know who you're talking to?!?

God: Better than anybody else.

Me: You had to say it didn't you Lord.

God: I did.

Me: Seriously God… Have I ever not appreciated something you gave me?!?

God: Do you really want to go there?

Me: Well… I… I don't know Lord… Do I?!?

(He gives me another look.)

Me: I'll give you a dollar for it. Ten! Ten dollars!

God: I don't want your money.

Me: How bout' my laptop… Or my car… I'll give you my car for the cookie!

God: I don't want your stuff.

Me: Well, what do you want then?!? All I have is my laptop and my car and a little bit of money… What else is there?!? What else can I offer you for that Oreo?!?

God: I want you to give me your junk.

Me: My junk.

God: Your junk.

The Oreo PART II

2008-11-27T18:37:00.000-08:00

THE OREO

By God

Me: And what exactly do you mean by "my junk"?

God: Your junk. Your crap. All of the stuff you keep trying to make sense of… Your past. Your regrets, failures, all of the lies you've told. Your mistakes, screw-ups, and bad choices. All of the hurt you've caused. The hearts you've broken. I want it all. I want you to give me everything you keep trying to figure out… everything you keep trying to fix. I want all of it.

(Silence)

Me: I don't know God.

God: You've already given me your life. What's a little junk?!?

Me: But it's not a little junk… I can't just… I've got to…

God: So you don't want the Oreo?!?

Me: Well… I mean, of course I want the Oreo… but my… what about my… I've… I can't just... I've got to fi…

God: No you don't. I'll take care of everything. Give me your junk and I'll give you my Oreo and you can take a bite outta heaven while I work my Godgic (at this point he'll wink at me because he just used my word… which is essentially His word… and it'll be sweet cause He's God and that would just be awesome to have God use your/His word, in conversation, with you.)

Me: My junk. For the Oreo.

God: Your junk for My Oreo.

Me: How Lord?

God: "Think. Do. And."

Me: "Think… Do… And…"

(At this point, I'll think about giving God my junk. Then by the process of thought and the doing-ness of heart and mind, I'll actually give God my junk. And then He'll give me His Oreo and I'll experience wave after wave of the awesomest possible mouth-gasm known to anyone, ever.)

(And I'll continue to experience that for the rest of my days because I finally gave God all my junk.)

Now… what's the moral of the story?!? If you give God your junk, He'll somehow make sure that your parents pick up a tray of 'Double Stuffed Oreo's' from Meijer while they're on sale. He'll then let you eat the vast majority (but not all) of the contents of the package, within about a day and a half - mind you, without getting sick… He'll also somehow make sure that you get to eat the last two in the container. By His will alone, you'll somehow come up with the genius idea of eating the top cookie off of each Oreo, giving yourself two, 2/3's of an Oreo, pieces with which you can squish together, cream filling to cream filling, essentially recreating that perfect cookie the way God intended it to be eaten!

The End.

Special thanks for Nebisco and God for making my night!

JOY

2008-11-25T14:11:00.000-08:00

Imagine,

if you will, with me- A warm summer’s day, the sun as golden as the coins that jingle in your pocket. He invites you to sit.....you settle down as your long black hair gently sways in the sweet wind. He takes your hand and beckons, with such excitement in one touch....and you wonder.....wonder why me, what beauty does He find in me....that I should be called His Queen....and you sit....the tall green grass tickles your legs and arms, and such color He paints with! Such deep shades of Green, eluding to something new, something that has not yet come, but is on the verge of breaking forth!

Gazing into the eyes of this new love, you expect yourself to shrink back, becoming all-to familiar with the pain that floods your heart....but it never comes. Shocked that you cannot take your eyes off this man you gaze longer...

You lie down with Him....in the grass, the tall grass...a strange noise rises up from the deepest part of you.....it gets louder stunned you find it to be giggles, gut laughter....and your eyes shine with a Joy that no one can fathom. They dance with the Fire of the His Spirit...light emanates from your being....and you find yourself telling Him that He is silly. "It’s not a bunny, it’s a cat", rolling your eyes with contagious laughter your glance back to the baby blue sky....

No cares, you living in Him - He living in you...............

That’s who Jesus tells me I am...........once a vague memory.........now coming to life.......REALLY JESUS!?!

NOTE: I was in the prayer house about two days after I wrote "Grasping" that’s when He asked me to close my eyes and that’s when Jesus and I had a talk....or a laugh......either way.....It was GREAT!

Grasping PART I

2008-11-19T08:40:00.000-08:00

Grasping

Lamentations 3

Who I am is not who I was…
and who I was is not who I am.

I am good at many things and excellent at a few things. I am good at writing, at giving people advice on certain topics; I am good at tennis and other sports. I am, however, excellent at make believe, at hiding and playing dress up. I am excellent at pushing aside; pushing down and living behind a mask. To the point that I don't know who I am, other then the pain that I have lived with for a very long time, that is my identity, pain. The fear is, if I am healed from it…who will I be? What will that look like?

I went out for coffee with two friends the other night, not intending to confront my worst fear, but finally understanding what another friend had been telling me for days. You see he told me that it was as if I didn't want to be healed. I snapped back "you don't understand".

My heart has been so heavily wandering, swaging this way and that- questioning and asking what if and why; shouting to an all-knowing God, challenging Him to tame the ragging storm that has imbedded itself in me so deeply for as long as I can remember. And the great Shalom has been begging me to let go, to let Him utter words of such sweet release, reaching out in the great darkness that has painted my soul- to let me know that there is light, if only I allow Him to speak it over me.

Many nights ago I told BP that no one understands me, they either tell me to stop taking live so seriously or to stop living my faith so passionately. As tears fell, the phone buzzed, delivering me a reply saying, "God does" and as I fell apart once again, I was only reminded that God did, and yet my heart wondered why He hasn't taken this pain from me.

And looking at the scars I wonder if they are there to serve as a reminder. I wonder if I will look back at this time and view myself as a child wondering in the desert and God reminding me that He brought me out of Egypt, a land of slavery, into the Promise land- but in order to get there I must first go through the desert and wilderness. And in the time spent wondering He hopes that by my own choice I might desire to establish a deep relationship with Him.

GRASPING: PART II

2008-11-19T08:34:00.000-08:00

GRASPING: PART II

I am beginning to feel the deep mercy and Grace God has given me. I am starting to see the Love that He offers me, not because I love Him, but because He loves me. I am beginning to understand people in a new light and I understand their pain more. Sometimes I wonder if this is Gods way of softening my heart and opening my eyes to people who seem to be untouchable.
When SJB asked me what was the one thing I was hanging onto…I didn't know how to put it into words other then "hope". CD smiled at me one rainy day and reminded me that the three characteristics of God were…. "Hope, faith, and love…" I truly believe deep down, past the layers of pain, hope resides…God resides…

JB reminds me that we serve a God of detail, a God of persistence, and utmost companionship, He will go anywhere any time for whatever reason just to show us that He is head-over-heals in love with us, desiring the truest form of a relationship- Him dwelling in us as we dwell in Him.

From the book The Shack author William Young explains through choice characters, "Consider our little friend here," she began, "most birds were created to fly. Being grounded for them is a limitation within their ability to fly, not the other way around." She paused to let Mack think about her statement. "You, on the other hand were created to be loved. So for you to live as if you were unloved is a limitation, not the other way around… Mack, pain has a way of clipping our wings and keeping us from being able to fly…and if left unattended for very long, you can almost forget that you were able to fly in the first place.

What profound meaning yet simply stated….at least for me. I am going through yet another tuff time and despite my initial thoughts of why I was going through it, I am only now beginning to see that God or "Papa" is asking me to dig deeper, perhaps deeper then I prefer to dig inside me, to have me shout the questions my soul and heart desperately want an answer to.

As I continue to dig deeper I am able to let go of the past and yet at the same time I struggle with the future and wanting the instant gratification of knowing that it will be ok. In The Shack Jesus explains it best, we are limited beings, and in our limitations we allow our fear to overflow our being.

My point…I have lived with pain…allowing it to penetrate who I am, for so long, that I have forgotten who I am in Christ, in a sense I have forgotten how to fly, or that I was even created to fly in the fist place…not something He wants of me…of us.

Cherish

2008-11-18T18:53:00.000-08:00

Change........as sure as the seasons come and go.....so we are ever changing. Constantly being shaped and molded into the women or men that God has called us to be... Sometimes change brings sweet memories- giving us courage and hope.

And sometimes that change is painful, sometimes it leaves bitter feelings, bitter thoughts But, when allowed to change, when allowed to give way to new....it turns into something beautiful, something that God wants us to cherish.

As Janye holds a symbol of changing seasons in her hands-as if a gift given to her by its creator, God too asks us can we hold change and cherish it.

In the Silence

2008-11-18T18:24:00.000-08:00

In the silence he whispered my name....play music for me my son!
In the silence He called me His very own.
In the silence where no one else was around He sat with me and asked that I sit with Him.
In the silence I played for Him, and played for myself, and in that time He smiled down...
In the silence our spirits danced to the melody of my guitar,
In the silence He whispered to me....well done my son....well done

Vision

2008-11-03T16:25:00.000-08:00

"Be People of Visions!" "Be People who can and are willing to encourage others to have and believe in their Visions"

Last night I had a dream....

I was at a conference table and someone passed out a picture. When I looked at the picture I saw a street, at first I thought it was some street in Africa...but thinking about it more and more, trying to draw back the images....it was a paved street.....there were a couple of people walking down the street and that was about it.....Then a man gave me a pair of 3D glasses and asked me to put them on.......... So I did.

It was shocking, I was in disbelief. Though I was still looking at the same photo it was completely different.

I saw a street littered with trash, I saw a child with a bloated stomach, they just like the victims in the concentration camps. The child was crying out to me arms stretching.......

I took the glasses off and looked at the photo, I saw a street with a couple of people walking down it, I put the glasses back on, and the image of the trashed street with children crying out came into view....

I feel two things......

That God is showing me people whom I'm serving as people who are dying, malnourished, not getting fed by the word (people who don't know Christ). They are His children crying out for help. It is as if God is asking me "will you help them?.....they are reaching out, will you help!"

And

God is asking me to view the "lost" as what they really are....Children who are starving, stomachs bloated with sin, children who are dying. They are reaching out to God, asking Him who will you send. God is giving, in a sense, His vision to me, so that I may see through His eyes.

This vision was back in April.....I've lost sight of that vision.....but a reminder has came back to me.........is it time God?

Direction

2008-11-02T13:50:00.000-08:00

Do you ever feel that you are walking down the road, not knowing really where you are going and then all of a sudden you run into something like this............
Ever wonder what you should do......there are three commands for you to follow......one way, STOP and no right turn. And yet some how you find yourself braking all three commands.....and as you continue down all the wrong ways, you wonder if there was a reason why those signs were put up in the first place.......

Yeah kick in the butt.........you start to realize once you start running into "danger" that you should have listened to the "commands" before you decided to be a little "rebbel"